Life on the streets with The Beat guards of Valroma City’s most vibrant district
as witnessed by Juno Lister
as witnessed by Juno Lister
Day One (part 2)
So walking through Butterfly Street with a Guardian of peace and justice was a completely alien experience for an intrepid Bloodbowl reporter. Usually you can move around the area in complete anonymity but I realised that our every move was being scrutinised. People watched as we moved through the crowds.
“Life under the microscope indeed “Isaac said looking out of the side of his eyes hand firmly implanted on the round ball on the hilt of his sword swinging from the scabbard. As he walked he explained ...
“Yup it’s a tough job, I’ve been Patrolling Butterfly street since, well, seems like forever....I came out of basic training and have been here ever since. I like helping the citizens of Valroma, it gives me a warm feeling, it’s what I‘ve been designed to do and wouldn’t want to do anything else.”
We reached the doors of La Madam’s Establishment and I immediately recognised Tedah, The Killa Flamingo bloodbowl star standing on the door. Now Orks don’t often frequent Butterfly Street, except in gangs, but the long association of La Madam’s with the Flamingos (or at least her money with The Flamingos) has secured the assistance of the players on her door security staff. It’s a sight to behold these truly fearsome savage creatures almost tamed into submission. The Orks are kitted out in three piece suits and guard the doors of La Madam’s when there is trouble expected. That evening by all accounts a college bloodbowl team on tour were staying, hence the added security. To my astonishment Tedah very un Ork like nodded politely at us as we approached this was a strange sight, only in Butterfly Street I thought. Isaac was greeted with a grimacing grin and Tedah’s gruff Ork voice boomed
“You OK Guard...ya job still shite yeah? Am still workin on gettin you on our team but La Madam she only want Orks” Isaac gave me a sideways glance.
“Anything to report bouncer?”
“Nah all under control Guv” Tedah replied with a huge thumbs up.
Now I appreciated that normal Joe punter would be incomplete terror being watched by a huge Ork in a monkey suit but this was a bloodbowl team coming to visit (albeit a low level college one) and they were used to taking on Orks. I passed this suggestion on to my guide. This was met with a long statement about bloodbowl players and pussies and how the City Guard team weren’t fit to wear the uniform and that Tedah would scare the college boys’ silly. I bowed down to Isaac’s experience and carried on patrolling.
Guard Hunt-Fawshaw told me he had to go and offer crime prevention advice to Nanna Di Pandi’s Pasta Bar. Nanna Di Pandi comes from a long line of Di Pandis; Grand Nonno Di Pandi had a little cart which he used to serve pasta from at the docks. He arrived in Valroma from the City of Aquaria as a young teenager. Often mistaken for San Pedrians, the Aquarians come from a much larger city that floats on the Great Pond. It is a beautiful city where the only mode of transport is by gondola. Renowned for their food and particularly Pasta, communities of Aquarians can be found on the mainland and Grand Nonno built up the Di Pandi empire opening his Pasta Bar in Butterfly Street. Times are not so good now, Grand Nonno had two girls - Nanna, whose first name is Espanda and her sister Castanda who has long since passed. Nanna’s kitchen had been broken into twice that week and she was at her wits end as her pasta supplies were running low as the thieves were stealing it.
As we reached the door she came out.
“Guardolo coma here you a sitta I bringa you a plate a spaghetti, si? An a your friend?”
We sat and ate a large plate of Nanna Di Pandi’s finest, washed down with her best vino, an Aquarian alcoholic drink. I questioned Guards drinking on duty but was met with...
“My friend, you cannot offend the public! Nanna would be deeply hurt!”
Nanna stood smiling awaiting the Guard’s kind words of assurance and a possible update into the investigation. Hunt-Fawshaw finally removed his helmet revealing a short crop of brown hair, undid his purple section scarf wiping a tiny piece of sauce that had escaped from his mouth, smacking his lips, released his weapon belt slightly releasing a tiny bump wear the pasta had come to rest, he looked straight into the frail old lady’s eyes. You could see Nanna had worked all her life. No time for boys, she had a mission to deliver pasta to Valromans whoever they were. She was a sweet kind old thing with little spectacles perched on her button nose. After the service she had given to Valroma, how could its children steal from her? I was quite glad that Hunt-Fawshaw had decided to come and offer her reassurance. After an awkward silence Guard Hunt-Fawshaw opened his mouth and we all waited for his words of wisdom ...he belched!
“Guardolo what ama I gonna do abouta dis thief?..I canna live here, too many thieves ,nasty peoples issa gone down de hill I needa your advice!”
Hunt Faw-shaw stood up, beckoned me to do the same and then gave his advice.
“So you don’t like the area then Nanna?”
“No! Isa really bad” she tearfully replied
“Only one thing for it then, “ he informed her “pack up your things and shove off back to Aquaria if you don’t like it, job done problem solved, good evening to you.“
He picked up his helmet spun 360 degrees and off he went out of the shop leaving Nanna with her mouth wide open and a bewildered journalist hot on his tails. Back out in the street we resumed our progress at a patrol-speed saunter as Hunt-Fawshaw explained.
“You can’t underestimate what impact we have when we engage with the community like that , just a simple house call on an elderly victim like Nanna and offering advice can make the world of difference you know”
As we reached the end of the street we heard a bugle blast from the Guard Barracks. Hunt-Fawshaw like a coiled spring turned around and hurried back up the road, he called back to me...
“That call is for La Madam’s something’s happening stay close !“
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